Finding Myself again

When I was in KL, during the first few weeks of being in a actual city, it was then I lost myself. Making one mistake after another, my confidence, potential and the path I wished to walk just seem to crumble away at my feet.

It was a lot easier when I was younger. I was more composed, clear headed and my values hadn't slipped from my grasp. I also always had good friends who helped me keep it together. But as soon as I was on my own, I started making the wrong decisions, acting upon thoughts which I believed were right but in the end proved to be wrong. Instead of moving forward in life, looking back now, it seems like I took a few steps back instead.

I remember a close friend of mine, she said that I was mature for my age. I was flattered and the funny thing was, I wasn't trying to be mature or anything. I just came off that way, well to her I guess. After returning from KL for the first time, I spoke with her again and during one of our conversations, she pointed out that I had changed, that i wasn't the same as before and not in a good way.

Its taken a year and a half for me to get over my first mistake, the loss of the love of my life and several other blunders that I'm too ashamed to retell. Ever since its been a slow but steady road to improvement. I'm not the same anymore but at least I'm better.

I have to start finding myself all over again. Fuck...